Dr. Pants: Music
If I Were John Cusack
IF I WERE JOHN CUSACK, I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT’D BE LIKE
CUZ I DON’T KNOW MUCH ABOUT HIM
I ONLY KNOW THE CHARACTERS HE’S PLAYED
IF I WERE JOHN CUSACK, THE CHICKS MIGHT DIG ME MORE
BUT IT DOESN’T REALLY MATTER CUZ
I’M ALREADY MARRIED, ANYWAY
BUT IN TRIBUTE TO JOHN, I JUST WANNA SING
LANE MEYER & LLOYD DOBLER
MARTIN BLANK & ROB GORDON
IF I WERE JOHN CUSACK, I’D MAKE “HIGH FIDELITY 2”
AND I’D MAKE IT TOTALLY AWESOME
IT WOULD BE THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER MADE
IF I WERE JOHN CUSACK, I’D STAY AWAY FROM ACTION FILMS
CUZ I WOULD KNOW THE TRUTH
ABOUT HOW HIS AMPLE GENIUS IS BEST SERVED
AND IN TRIBUTE TO JOHN, I WILL ALWAYS SING
JOHN, MY FRIEND, YOU’VE HELPED ME THROUGH A LOT
SO IF I WERE YOU, I’D SHAKE MY OWN HAND
CUZ WHEN MOVIES START TO SUCK AND THERE’S NOT A GOOD FILM TO BE FOUND
YOU’RE ALWAYS THERE READY TO TAKE A STAND
AND EVERYBODY SANG